RYAN'S SONG

6/29/06
He is gone! 10:24 AM - Sunken eyes can see & broken wings are flying!

6/28/06
Dear Aluna, It is getting really close, his blood pressure dropped to 80/60 and his extremities got cold no matter what. We have lit candles and are playing The White Album. Joey is here with us. I told everyone that I needed to see this as "holy", and everyone just had to agree. We are waiting. The doctor told me to call all the family and they have been called. I consider you and yours "family". There is an atmosphere that is indescribaabale to me and I am awalking above the ground. It feels like hovering.... LOVE Kim 9:26 P.M.

It IS holy..... when we are born.... and when we die.... and I believe the conditions in which we are sent out from this place, is the foundation for the next life. Ryan's next life if he chooses one, will to BE and FEEL the presence of unconditional LOVE ... He will not feel abandoned.... he will feel comforted. He will not search for home, because he will be home. He will not need to preach Peace and Love, because there will be not lack of these things. The world will be as he imaged it could be. I hope that I can be in that world to one day... I think we all would. Sending much love and respect for everyone there, hold this space for Ryan, Much Love - Aluna.

6/28/06
Hello All-- Ryan's family all came together in a beautiful harmony tonight. I thanked Ryan for all that he has done for me. Mya cried pretty hard. Amy, Larry, Mary Jane, Noah, Kenny, Megan...they we all here. It was so holy. We have all told him good-bye. He is breating only 5 or 6 times per minute. His lungs are full. I keep him packed in ice or wash him in cool water. I have just medicated him and said good night. His Nanny from childhood, Alverta is sitting with him while I sleep. I just wanted you all to know. Since Mya's Birthday is Friday I pray RyRy go tonight. But the most important accomplishment tonight was the beauty of the harmony amoung all of us. Thank you RyRy. Love Kim

6/27/06
Aluna, He is barely here...Very shallow breaths, and up to 20 seconds with no breath at all. He has seen Mya and I will look forward to your insights. I am so much in tune with you as I too feel tha the left for the tiems you mentioned, but he returned for a whhile yesterday to be here for Mya. He is resting peacefully right now. I think he will leaave us tonight. I will figure out a way for you to see the video. I love you as he did too, so very much... Later. Kim

6/26/06
Hello Everyone,
Mya Rayn (Ryan's 8 year old daughter) just left after visiting her father for several hours. She combed his hair because she said we had it all wrong. She was so easy and free with him. I think I saw a twinkle in his eyes. Kenny reads to him today and his senses seemed heightened. Today he was here at least at times. He made eye contact and blinked purposefully. I am so happy that Mya finally saw him and was sad, but stonger than most adults that come into the room. Ry has bedsores on both hips and a really bad one on his tail bone. Amy and Margie just bathed him and he is resting PEACEFULLY. The feverish eyes are gone. I have taken to placing crushed ice wrapped in washcloths under his arms and at his groin. This seems to work better than a tylenol suppository. Larry and his brother Dave came. Dave was really communicative, but Larry didn't have much to say. I gave Larry Ry's journal to read as his last entry was 5/27/06. The journal is personal but I thought his father might want to read it as I would want to share Ryan with Larry in any way possible. Ry talked about his love for his family, especially his daughter. I will keep you posted. Kim

6/24/06 Re: A Prayer to Release Ryan Parks From his Body Please help
Hello, I linked up to your site through Aluna's. Thank you all so very much. Ryan is here at my home in Illinois. It is a beautiful home built in 1870 and Ry's body is in the front parlor which was restored to it's circa 1900. His favorite music is usually playing and I am with him most of the time. He is currently resting and I can't stay here long as it is medication time. Ry is medicated every 2 hours. As I read your prayers I wanted to say that it occured to me that Ry is waiting for his daughter, Mya Rayn, in some fashion. She has not seen him since his accident on June 2nd. Right now she is at a local carnival with Ry's younger brother, her Uncle Jon. There is currently a fire works display as I write this. She will be 8 years old on June 30th. I believe her mother, Amy, is going to allow Mya to see Ry tomorrow. Ryan has been without food or water since last Sunday, so almost 1 week. He had already lost 20-some pounds before he came home. He has some physical deterioration that I will not describe, only to say it is difficult. This has been a physical and emotional drain. At 1 am today Ry came to me and told me to be at PEACE and I have been since. He says when Momma is at peace so will eveyone else be. That peace has created a wonderfully calm environment. It permeates all the other fears and rage that ripple through Ry's family and loved ones. Time has been suspended for me since June 2nd. Aluna keeps me informed as I do her. I want to say thank you so very much to all of you. LOVE IS THE ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION IN OUR HEARTS.:) RY'S MOM

Post your PRAYER for RYAN at Angel Therapy Prayer Board here

6/22/06
Dearest Aluna, Ryan has settled in here at my home. It is so peaceful today. He is being cared for by his brothers and other people who loved Ryan. Amy is with us at times. (Mya's Mother). I just read the responses from others on the website, and WOW! what strength I glean from such an outpouring. My sister is a R.N. and she has stayed with me. I was a litttle scared, make that outright panicked when a hospice nurse tried to teach me what I need to do to care for my son and keep him comfortable. Poor Ry, his body is probably only 80 pounds if even that now. He must be medicated every 2 hours from now on. I must turn his body every 2 hours also to help him remain pain-free. Jimmy was here today and he will take a night shift. That first night was a dark one. Linda from New Zealand wrote and sent pic of Ry on his Millineum sojourn with you all. The one love is him with his twirling. We think we will have a music fest here as Noah spins out his music and we will give particpants a set of twirllers to dance with. We will celebrate Ryan's life with music and dance when the time comes. Linda mentioned the soltice and I realized it is today! She said a "turning point", and that resonates within me. Go Ry Go, baby boy, my beautiul, beautiful, beautiful - - BEAUTIFUL BOY. LOVE AND MORE LOVE!! KIM

6/21/06
Aluna, This is Ryan's little brother, Kenny. My mom (KIM) wanted me to send you an email regarding Ryan's updates. We now have him here at home with us, and in my personal opinion (my Mom's too) he is more at peace here. We continue to play music for Ryan, and keep him as comfortable as is possible. Ryan is sleeping most of the time, and breathes very shallow. I sat with him today for a while, and tried to breath only when he did to see what he was going through. I could not breath that slow or shallow for more than a few minutes without becoming dizzy. I can not say for sure how much longer Ryan will be with us, but my hope is that it is not long. I have to admit that even putting that down in words feels like a betrayal to my friend and brother, but when I look past the personal feelings of guilt, I know he wants to go. Please communicate this information about Ryan to all who are concerned for him. Again, I appreciate everything you are doing for him. Thank you. Sincerely, Kenny

6/20/06
Dear Aluna, We are still waiting... This will be short as it is late... If Ryan is still with us tomorrow I will have hospice set up here at my home and we will bring him home.. All sickness is homesickness... But he is fading very slowly...
You can post this if you want. Joey is taking Ryan's place as my son... He is just as sensitive as Ryan and Joey has been in our family since grade school. The words to one of Ry's songs by Jack Johnson says something like this. "Love is the answer to all of the questions in my heart, like why are we here, where do we go and why is it so hard?" Ry came to me in spirit and said, Mom, Love is the answer. We are here to Love, we are going to Love and it is so hard because we Love. Mom, I gave you the insight, taught you the lesson and then tested you. You passed!
It has been such an honor to have given birth to him, watched him grow up so unique, and then have Ryan become my soul mate. I have been so strengthened by the outpouring of the posts to Aluna's website and Alexia's response made everything so very clear. I got clarity that was so pure it made all of my senses heightened. For at least a week I have had such strength that I don't seem to even know myself. I am filled with awesome power, Archangels are all around me and within me. They just take over and I watch myself as if in a dream. I walk and talk and comfort the many, many visitors... Ryan is coming and going home. He is still making jokes to me. I ask all of you to send power and strength to his daughter, Mya Rayn. She is 8 years old and has not seen her father at the hospital. Her mother's name is Amy and she needs your prayers also. Ryan and Amy mixed up their names and came up with MYA RAYN. She is just so much like him. She dances and entertains us even in the outside visitor's area. Of course she is outspoken and sees life as a mystery. She is excited to be alive and full of radiant energy. She has beautiful blonde very curly hair and it looks like a halo around her. She is uncertain and asked us to describe her father with our hands, like folded in prayer... She shows open hands which means what he was like before the accident and closed hands means he is gone. She displays her hands as almost closed. So I know she 'gets it', and she is only 8 years old on June 30th.
Thanks and more thanks and even more thanks to all of you. We are waiting now for Ryan to cross over and you are all holding on to him to help him. Wow! This is an amazing journey particularly because Aluna has brought so many of you to us and to Ryan. I love Aluna. We are all physically traveling to Sedona with Ryan soon.... Peace and LOVE to all Ryan's Mom, Kim

6/20/06
My name is Kenneth. I am Ryan's little brother. I am emailing you simply to say that I love and appreciate everything you have done and continue to do for Ryan. I see that my best friend, Joey, is also in communication with you, and has posted some info on your site. Ryan will be leaving us soon as he is no longer being oxygenated or fed. He is also one of my best friends, and I have no way of expressing my personal pain as I can only take care of others in this crisis. I know Ryan well. He is ready for this passing, and I will be so strong for his mother because if it were me, that is exactly what Ryan would do. Thank you again, Aluna.

6/18/06
Aluna, after I slept last night, I wanted to drop you a quick note. I realized I can not take Ry to another INSTITUTION and then perhaps he might smile while he drools!! It only gets harder to go farther. I am asking Noah (brother), Kenny (brother), Amy -Mya's mother, Jimmy -friend and Kerri -another friend to meet me at the hospital on Sunday night so that I can show them Ryan's body. He now has a second bed sore and is weighs very little. I want their input. I pray that they all see the TRUTH about Ry. He is begging to fly. I am only considering these few that are here that I know LOVE Ry. I loved the insight from the person who said Ryan didn't just die of a drug overdose, but that Ryan is yelling a loud message for people to stop judging and hurting each other. I love you. Kim

6/17/06
Dear Aluna, I read the newsletter and post on your web site about Ryan. It really touches me to see pictures of him with you. You mean so much to Ryan. And though you really don't know it, me to. Ryan has been passing on your word to me since he returned from Mexico and eventually signed me up to your newsletter. The beginning of June has been the beginning of my life without someone I love. I feel as if I have never been devastated before. So I wanted to write and say thank you and I will be watching your newsletter. I also wanted to comment on the song Blackbird. Before writing you and back when I though Ryan was in a coma and would come out and everything would be the same; I would sing Dear Prudence for him "won't you open up your eyes"... I told him that there was a song on the White Album for any situation in life. Yours, Joey

6/16/06
Dear Aluna Joy, It is late and I am spent... So much has happened in 48 hours!! I loved your newsletter and am not done reading it all. I will post my experience as soon as I can get some rest. You can post anything that you can express concerning Ryan and his current state as he is as always has been transparent. He has no secret or darkness about him even as a child he would always blurt out what others would only think.
Quick Update: Ryan is diagnosed with anoxia: lack of oxygen to not only to his brain, but entirely. I have not really had any time to do any research on the condition, nor have I even actually spoke face to face with the neurologist, Dr. Dodt. There is a pressure to move Ry to an acute care rehab facility? Today I allowed the doctors to surgically implant a trachea and a gastrointestinal feeding tube directly into his stomach for the main purpose of COMFORT and time. They can't move him while he is post op. The line of visitors at the door is overwhelming, and some people actually hear about it and just come to look at our horror! The hospital probably has not had a case like this very often if ever. Aluna, after 4 days of nothing, He made some kind of contact with me today. I had an appointment with an attorney and will get legal guardianship on Monday at 10:30am. Right now Ry is about 4 hour s post op and resting from the surgery and 1mg of ativan to actually calm me down enough to leave the hospital. 2 weeks seems like a short time and others are pressuring me and I am not able to make any decision today. I only know that I was certain and then today he actually moved his head and hands. He scowled at me and was pleading with me with his eyes. Legally I can't make any decision until Monday. His brother, Noah says, "Don't put my brother down after only 2 weeks!" I am so torn and don't really know what my options are. I only know I don't want to unplug Ry and wait hours or even perhaps days for his body to stop breathing. Today he is breathing on his own, but he would drown in his own saliva. OH MY GOD! When I woke up from a deep sleep of 10 hours I thought it was 6:30 PM and it was AM. That is how deprived and turned around I am. i did not know what day it was. i have only slept in segmented time e and actually time means ???? to me. I am in a maze and it is dark wherever I turn. It is a battle everyday to get the staff to take care of him--reposition and exercise. Then I realized, what can they do? kill him? I love ALL.... Please keep on with me as I know you will. Tears again. Kim

6/15/06
Dear Aluna, In about an hour Ryan's family will meet me and the powers that be on staff at St. Mary's hospital. I want Ryan un-plugged to preserve his dignity and to honor his wishes. His precious body continues to deteriorate. He does not always breathe, in fact the vent does it most of the time and I ask a cardiologist to just leave him alone regardless of his irregular heartbeat. No more probes, cultures, CT scans, ex-rays. I think someone finally listened to me yesterday when I refused to allow surgery for a trache and an implanted G-tube because they insisted on reviving Ry again if he died again while in surgery. They also neglected to tell me that they would start working on transferring him to an institution as soon as the surgery was done. The insurance and others would them see him as "long-term." I found that I have to go to court to get Healthcare Power of Attorney to make the decision to turn off all life support. You probably know it is a catholic hospital. I pray to GOD that the family will agree this afternoon. I will let you know. I laid down with Ryan's body today and rested. He is already gone and I will try to speak for him to his family this afternoon. They are having a hard time giving him up. I won't go into all the medical stuff as it is very tedious for me and at times horrifying. I am in touch and will write again soon. Love and Peace, Kim

6/14/06
Aluna, I loved Blackbird. I know you are right and he is taking off. He made me a sweet video of him calling to me on his cell phone. It is him announcing that he is my favorite son and that I should know that I have to take his call. He is sending me his strength and assuring me that he is with me now and forever. He still says outrageous things to me that are his very humorous view of even this situation. I have an herb garden and he was with me on June 1st in my garden and he came up to me and says, "there is my garden mama". It is there that I am free from the horrors of the hospital. There is still a constant stream of people to visit him and me. He impacted so many, many people. I will continue to deep you post ed. LOVE, Kim I will see you in Sedona sometime. Kim

6/13/06
Today is June 13th, and so 11 days for Ryan in a now called "vegetative state." Aluna, he has your teddy bear in his hand. His bottom has a serious bed sore. This is horrifying for both him and me. I leave the hospital now for periods of time and tell him, Go on beautiful boy, fly away... Some how I feel he is trapped by the machines. Today I talked to a man named Kim from "Gift of Hope." I wanted them to harvest Ryan's organs so that others could have miracles that they have been waiting for... He told me that unfortunately, Ryan would need to be brain dead and he has some brain stem activity though it seems to be very little. He told me that if we un-plugged Ryan right now the medical doctors believe that Ryan would still live more than 90 minutes and that makes it not possible for his organs to be harvested. Tears and more tears...

I am doing passive range of motion on Ryan's body every 4 hours to keep him from contracting. So, I play some of his favorite music (Jack Johnson--In Between Dreams) and I dance with his arms and rock him in. He is so beautiful. He says that love is the answer to every question, like why are we here?, And where do we go?, and why is it so hard? Life can be deceiving . And all of these moments can find there way into my dreams... But if all of these dreams might find there way into my day to day scene--I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between... I am crying as I write because I wish he would go on... I know he has and always will be with me and all of you too. He is just like you said Aluna, too sensitive for this world. I told him what you said... Today his nurse, named Jenise, came into the room and danced with me. She is wonderful. The Doctor cried this morning. People say to me how do you do it? I say it is not hard when I let go. He loves me more than forever. Death is just a beginning as he has told me this all along. I wanted to keep you updated and will continue to do so. I plan to bring him to Sedona whenever..... Peace and love, Kim

6/8/06
Aluna, My name is Jimmy and I am a good friend of Ryan Parks who went on a spiritual pilgrimage with you at one time and is now struggling in ICU. I read the email you wrote his mother and was very moved by your comments about my best friend. I met Ryan about 3 years ago when he first moved back here to Illinois. I felt a connection with him from the first day I met him. His different ideas and beliefs about spirituality interested me. It is rare to find people who influence you life as much as Ryan has influenced mine. I hope that you and your group continue to hold him and comfort him in this spiritual and physical time of need. Love Respect and Empathy - Jim

6/8/06
Dear Aluna, You do not know me. I have been signed up to your news letters for some time now. My friend Ryan Parks is the one who introduced me to your writings. I am writing on behalf of Ryan. He turned 30 on June first and after a week of doing god knows what, he is in a hospital in a coma. Doctors are telling us that he is slowly improving, but he is hooked up to a machine and the responses we get are nothing more than a twitch here and a twitch there. He is at Saint Mary's hospital in Kankakee Illinois. Rehabilitation will hopefully begin shortly. Last night his mother and I decided that you should be told. He is very fond of you and the Maya. His daughters name is Maya. I just wanted to write to let you know. yours, Joey

6/6/06
Dear Aluna, I am Kim , Ryan's mother. He was brought back to life with CPR (it took them 10 minutes to get a heart beat) on June 2nd at 2:30 PM, He evidently died of a drug overdose or poisoning. He has remained mostly unresponsive ever since. He was celebrating his 30th birthday which was June 1st, He was traveling south on I 57 on Thursday and passed by Clifton, Illinois because he saw a perfect rainbow. He called me and told me that the rainbow was his gift from God. He wanted me to share that moment. I told him he was born 30 years ago at that very location, Clifton, Illinois. He said that he loved me and I was overjoyed that he would call and share that moment with me. The next day he was traveling back home on that same interstate. He had been to a music festival in Champaign, Illinois. His friend was driving his car as he had been unconscious all day. She told me she could not get him to wake up. She traveled 78 miles to Kankakee, Illinois. She then stopped at one of her friends and ask them about Ryan's condition. That person begged her to take him to a hospital. She finally did take him to a hospital and they started CPR in his car. Well a team of medical people did work on him for quite a while. I arrived at the hospital during this time. They would tell me nothing, nor let me see him. Finally they ask me to come back and talk to him, as they had got him back but he was not breathing on his own. He is on a ventilator. He has a trache and he is being fed by an NG tube. When I first saw him and I talked to him he responded by crying very hard and he started to breathe over the vent. He has been in ICU ever since. He has twice showed me he was in his body by holding his eyes shut. His EEG showed brain damage. His second EEG (yesterday) showed a very minute improvement. He has pneumonia, a very high fever. He has no movement on his own so I am fighting muscle deterioration. He developed a bed sore in less than 48 hours. He only weighs 117#!! I know he would want you to know. I want you to know. I wanted you to know I had thought perhaps he had died at the very spot he was born. I am stuck in this nightmare. I finally left the hospital today as I am breaking and I know I can not help him if I don't stay well. There have been many, many people who have came to the hospital. I finally said yesterday that no one could visit him, but that they could write him as I got a journal with a rainbow on it. Ryan has his eyes rolled back in his head and his tongue hanging out. His eyes are fixed. His daughter wrote him a letter. Mya will be 9 years old on June 30th. Mya Rayn Parks. If you have words for him I will speak them to him. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you, RYAN's mother, Kim

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